My dad passed in April. He put me in charge of settling his affairs. It has been the most painful and stressful time of my entire life, which is saying something — I was a single mother. I’ve been through cancer and two major surgeries the past few years. I work full time.
None of that compares to the stress I’m going through right now.
So here’s some advice and support for those of you in the same boat.
Sucks to Be You
First, if you have been put in charge of administering all the things after your parent’s death, congrats. They think you’re the responsible one.
But don’t get too excited. This is a double edged sword if you are not an only child.
In my case, I’ve had to deal with a younger sibling who is generally a force of nature, defaults to self dealing no matter what he does, and is still living in the family home.
I spent the first few weeks after my dad’s death being threatened with lawsuits over selling the house. Not only that, my brother decided to trash talk and slander me to anyone who would listen. It made the funeral reception incredibly awkward and painful and difficult.
The Estate Attorney May or May Not Help You Very Much
If your parent had a longtime estate attorney as mine did, they may or may not help you very much.
My advice? Educate yourself on being an executor or a trustee. Also, shop around for other estate law firms.
You are smart and strong and it is okay to stand up for yourself and protect your rights. Do not trust anyone blindly, which is tempting to do in the face of grief.
Whatever you do, don’t put up with bad legal service.
You’re paying them, they should be helping you however they can. If they’re not doing that, find a better representative.
Estate Sale People Are Weird and Picky
I used to think that an estate sale was just a glorified garage sale managed by someone else.
Sorry. That’s not the case.
When conducting a walkthrough with an estate sale person, they are going to purse their lips and judge the things in the house like Miranda in The Devil Wears Prada.
Many estate sale folks take a 35% to 40% commission from you right off the top. If they don’t think they can make that much off your stuff, they’ll pass. And in some cases they will act really shitty about it.
Also, if a family member is living in the family home, they won’t touch that with a 10-foot pole. They don’t want any drama.
My best advice is to not take it personally. If you can’t hire an estate sale company to work with you, find an estate cleanout person instead — there are some reputable companies out there. Talk to your listing agent too, for advice.
Be Willing to Take Some Ls
Ultimately you may have to take some Ls. You may have to smile and nod at your irresponsible sibling or siblings just to get through the process. You may have to allow them to steal some shit out of the house. Because, is that end table or vase worth going to court over?
You may also have to listen to fairy stories from your sibling or siblings about how they been trying so hard to move. In that case you just nod and smile and eat shit and possibly even plan for a court fight. Through it all, just try to keep moving things forward.
I will have more as my own process goes on.
A month from now, I’m hoping this will all be over and I can get on with my life.